Your wife has confessed to you that she needs a spanking, but you don’t understand why, or how to go about giving it to her. This is not an unusual problem for vanilla (not into the spanking scene) husbands to face. It is the purpose of this article to give some explanations and advice to vanilla husbands in the form of answers to common questions on the subject.

The idea of spanking my wife seems crazy to me. Why should I do it?
Because it will make her happy. Remember that it is very difficult for women to discuss their desires, even ordinary ones, so that if she has expressed to you a need for discipline, you can bet it runs deep (for more on why this is so, see below). The least you can do is demonstrate your commitment to her happiness by making a real attempt to satisfy her – it’s not all that difficult.

Why does she want me to spank her?
Tough question – most likely she couldn’t tell you herself if she tried. Short answer: female sexuality is bound up, so to speak, with the idea of submission. For most women, this need to submit is expressed through normal sexual behavior, but under certain conditions in susceptible individuals, early childhood experiences with spanking (in some cases even simply seeing another child spanked is apparently enough) result in a developing personality that equates, on some level, sexual submission with being spanked. Once this occurs, there is no going back, and the fully adult personality still has this “childish” need to be made to submit to a spanking.
In most women, the need to be spanked exists alongside the normal desires rather than replacing them. From the practical standpoint, this means that you can and should use spanking as a kind of foreplay at least some of the time. The rest of the time she may wish to be disciplined for some shortcoming or misbehavior. The reasons for this are too lengthy to go into here. If your wife falls into this category, by all means proceed to administer “pure” discipline. There are some more hints for doing that below.

How can I find out more about exactly what she wants me to do?
One of the great problems for men throughout the ages has been understanding what women want. This is so largely for two reasons:

Do not give up hope, however; there are two good ways of getting more information:

I think I’m ready to give this a go. Now what?
Two things: attitude and technique. First, on attitude (yours, not hers): remember that women want to submit to a strong man. This means that during the course of the spanking session, you must be confident and firm in your manner at all times.

Do you have any tips on good erotic spanking techniques?
This is a very large subject, so we can only skim the surface here regarding positions, implements, etc. Basically, when just starting out, we recommend the classic over-the-knee (OTK) position using your hand, with a hairbrush and/or short-handled paddle kept within reach. Our reasoning is:

How do I know when she’s had enough? I’m worried about hurting her.
We understand your concern and applaud it. With a little care and common sense, you won’t have to worry about really hurting her. First, make sure you have a safeword, which is simply an agreed-upon signal that indicates she’s having trouble and that you need to immediately stop what you’re doing. It’s something you don’t want to have to use, and under ordinary circumstances you won’t have to, but it is an essential guarantee of safe play. In practice, you can be guided by her reactions and appearance. Some squirming and pained exclamations are perfectly normal (and we would say perfectly desirable), but if her reactions take on a more desperate air, it’s time to wind things up. Also, pay attention to the condition of her bottom – redness and warmth are normal, but in general we believe that marking (contusions or welts) should be avoided. This last statement will not meet with universal agreement – marking is a somewhat controversial topic within the scene -- but we think it to be sound advice. We have more to say on this topic elsewhere.

Any other suggestions?
Yes – try to have a good time. Even people who aren’t really into the scene can learn to enjoy administering a spanking. It’s an activity that can satisfy on more than one level.

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